Random, Jokes and Funny Facts

Random Facts

Did you know that you have no sense of smell when you`re sleeping!

Your heart pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood each day!

Pick up Lines

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.

Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.

If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.

If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

Blonde Jokes

Q: How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it.

A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

Red Head Jokes

Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you? A. Say something.

Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Sports Jokes

Q: What do basketball players and babies have in common? A: They both dribble!

Q: Why do basketball players love cookies?A: Because they can dunk them!

Q:What do cheerleaders drink before they go to a basketball game?A: Root beer!

Political Jokes

I've got a four month old, I'm about to be a grandmother, and I have to change McCain's diapers too?

John McCain has an unique and valuable perspective on petroleum production. He remembers the dinosaurs that are now our oil.

Redneck Jokes

You might be a redneck if....The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse!

You might be a redneck if....You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You might be a redneck if....You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

You might be a redneck if....Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You might be a redneck if....You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

What do you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your truck back.

Celebrity Jokes

What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed ? Hit me baby one more time.

The only thing worse than was figures of the Jonas Brothers are the real Jonas brothers.



Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.





"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for." ~Will Rogers



Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivan
Ivan who?
Ivan working on the railroad...

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Me
Me how?
It doesn't matter how.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Shelby
Shelby who?
Shelby coming around the mountain when she comes.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wanda
Wanda who?
Wanda go for a walk?

Riddles

Q. What are the 4 days of the week that begin with the letter T?
A. Thursday, Tuesday, tomorrow, today.

Q. A barrel weighed 20 pounds. A man came and put something in it, now it weighs 15 pounds. What did he put in it? A. A big hole.

If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven't got me. What am I?
A secret.