SMS Jokes

Adult and Gross Jokes / Facts

2008-08-24T01:06:00.000-07:00

Dirty Jokes

What is the difference between a sin and shame? It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

You inhale about 700,000 of your own skin flakes each day. Now that is gross!

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!

Q. How do you teach a blonde math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

What is 69 and 69?
Dinner for four!

Q: How are math and sex the same?
A: I don't get either one.

Rasist / Offensive Jokes

2008-08-24T01:04:00.000-07:00

Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He got the gas bill.

Why do blacks have white hands and feet? They were on all fours when God spray painted them!

Why did the Mexicans fight so hard to take the Alamo? So they could have four clean walls to write on.

Q: What do you call a white man with a sheep under each arm? A: A Pimp.

Who is the corpse at an Irish wake? The sober one in the corner!

What's an Irish seven course dinner? A six pack and a potato!

Did you hear about the Amish woman who wanted a divorce? Her husband was driving her buggy.

A guy goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a Stoly?" The bartender says, "Once upon a time...."

What did the Buddhist Monk say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."

Where does the Jewish husband hide his money from his wife? Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

Random, Jokes and Funny Facts

2008-08-24T00:58:00.000-07:00

Random Facts

Did you know that you have no sense of smell when you`re sleeping!

Your heart pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood each day!

Pick up Lines

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.

Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.

If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.

If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

Blonde Jokes

Q: How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it.

A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

Red Head Jokes

Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you? A. Say something.

Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Sports Jokes

Q: What do basketball players and babies have in common? A: They both dribble!

Q: Why do basketball players love cookies?A: Because they can dunk them!

Q:What do cheerleaders drink before they go to a basketball game?A: Root beer!

Political Jokes

I've got a four month old, I'm about to be a grandmother, and I have to change McCain's diapers too?

John McCain has an unique and valuable perspective on petroleum production. He remembers the dinosaurs that are now our oil.

Redneck Jokes

You might be a redneck if....The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse!

You might be a redneck if....You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You might be a redneck if....You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

You might be a redneck if....Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You might be a redneck if....You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

What do you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your truck back.

Celebrity Jokes

What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed ? Hit me baby one more time.

The only thing worse than was figures of the Jonas Brothers are the real Jonas brothers.

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for." ~Will Rogers

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ivan
Ivan who?
Ivan working on the railroad...

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Me
Me how?
It doesn't matter how.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Shelby
Shelby who?
Shelby coming around the mountain when she comes.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Wanda
Wanda who?
Wanda go for a walk?

Riddles

Q. What are the 4 days of the week that begin with the letter T?
A. Thursday, Tuesday, tomorrow, today.

Q. A barrel weighed 20 pounds. A man came and put something in it, now it weighs 15 pounds. What did he put in it? A. A big hole.

If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven't got me. What am I?
A secret.